


Wish I Was Like You (Blue-Eyed Blondie, Perfect Body)

by SlarStarsFanFics



Series: From Tumblr [21]
Category: The Umbrella Academy (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Always a Different Sex, Alternate Universe - Gender Changes, Angst, Body Dysmorphic Disorder, Body Dysphoria, Drabble, Eating Disorders, Female Luther Hargreeves, Gen, Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con, Luther Hargreeves Needs A Hug, Non-Consensual Body Modification
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-29
Updated: 2020-04-01
Packaged: 2020-11-07 20:23:37
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,194
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20823272
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SlarStarsFanFics/pseuds/SlarStarsFanFics
Summary: Something was stripped from her as that syringe was jammed into her abdomen. She woke from a blissful sleep to find herself in a new body.Not me, not mine!-REWRITTEN, ORIGINAL NOW IN CHAPTER TWO:A Fem!Luther drabble





	1. *Revised Version*

**Author's Note:**

> Lucille=Luther  
Desiree=Diego  
Alexander=Allison  
Klemintine=Klaus  
Bree=Ben  
Vance=Vanya

Lucille Hargreeves was the definition of a tomboy as a child. She always insisted on wearing the same uniform as her two brothers and spent her half-hour daily free time stomping in the mud and hiding in trees. 

But something was stripped from her as that syringe was jammed into her abdomen. She woke from a blissful sleep to find herself in a new body.

_ Not me, not mine! _

She locked herself away in the house secretly hoping for her Father to give her a mission, or at least something to do. She was starting to lose hope when she was told about the moon mission.

She spent four years of her life completely alone up there. She had always wanted to go to space, so she figured that she’d make the most of it. 

She cared for the plant that she took with her and she wrote letters and poetry to send home with her research. Sometimes she would put her suit on and just stood outside, enjoying the view. It did get lonely though. She ignored the voices that followed her consistently, voices that sounded suspiciously like her family members.

_ Get out! _

_ Go! _

_ Leave here! _

_ Not safe! _

_ Your fault! _

Lucy didn’t know just how much it had affected her until she returned home for her Father’s funeral. She had a hard time interacting with her siblings, after all, it had been ten years since they had all seen each other. She felt enormous around her (_ normal) _siblings. There had been no one to compare herself too on the moon, but now that she was on earth, there were people everywhere. She would shrink into herself, trying to take up the least amount of space as possible.

She attempted to put herself together when she first got home. She went through the usual routine: hair, makeup, clothes. This ended with a haircut, a bare face, and her burying herself in big, stuffy clothes. 

After realizing why she was sent to the moon, Alex decided that he wouldn’t let her wallow. He took her to their childhood hangout spot, then to a park. They had danced, and for the first time in six years, she felt normal. They danced in some shared delusion in a velvet suit and a starry, blue dress. 

_ Rewind _

After realizing why she was sent to the moon, Lucy went on a bender. She remembered Klemintine doing her best to help, to be a comforting, supportive sister. She remembered ending up at some big, loud party. She remembered somebody kissing her, grabbing her, and pushing her away from people. She wishes she didn’t remember what happened after that.

They managed to keep Vance from causing the Apocalypse, and now, they lived together in their childhood home until steps could be made to move on.

Lucille found herself being around people much more and for much longer than she’d usually prefer. It definitely didn’t help that her family had a strange obsession with food. Whenever they had “family time”, it would be a family dinner, or hanging out at Griddy’s, or going out to a restaurant. 

(Most of those nights ended with her knees pressed to the cold tiles of her bathroom floor.)

Eyes were on her all the time. Whenever she entered a room, people stared, and depending on what people knew, they varied from confusion and judgement to pity and disgust. She felt herself spiralling. 

Everyone wanted to be around her for some reason. Desiree, who usually hated her, insisted on sparring matches and early morning runs. Alexander wanted to be around his childhood best friend, especially after their long separation. Klemintine dragged her into home fashion shows and make-shift makeovers, anything to distract herself. Five bounced theories and math problems off of her constantly and insisted on Lucy making her coffee. 

_ “No one else can do it properly.” _She said.

Whenever Bree was corporeal, she gushed about all of the books she'd read over the years, and Lucy was happy to listen. Lucy was even happier to learn that Vance still wanted to interact with her, as he took her out for coffee and bounced book ideas off of her.

_ “You’re a writer too, we need to stick together.” _

Of course, with all of the company, she was bound to get caught. That day ended with gentle voices and embraces; promising her the help she needed. 

Whatever free time Lucille had before then dwindled down to nothing. Someone was always with her, holding her responsible and distracting her the best they could. It was nice sometimes, having people to talk to.

But still, one of these days, she’d have to gather up the courage to ask Pogo for a cure. 


	2. *Original*

Lucille Hargreeves was not the most feminine of her sisters, that prize went to Klemintine 100%. But no matter how feminine you are, losing your wonderfully maintained body would absolutely suck.

So saying that Lucy was having a hard time would be an understatement.

She would sit on her bed trying to put on makeup, but eventually, she would get frustrated and wipe it off again. She would try the dresses that her mother made for her, but they always ended up abandoned in the corner and replaced by a high collared shirt and overcoat. She tried to style her golden hair, but it ended with her cutting it into a dull bob.

The first time she felt normal again was when she danced with Aaron in the park. In her imagination, she was normal again and swinging around in a star-speckled midnight-blue dress. But after “Dancing In The Moonlight” ended, she saw reality again. Now, it never happened.

The second time, she was high and she could vaguely feel lips press into her own. When she woke up, not only did she see reality, but she felt dirty.

(When Desiree realized what had happened, she found the guy and “dealt with him.”)

She sometimes found herself thinking back to what she used to look like. Bright blue eyes, long blonde hair, washboard abs and muscular limbs. Now, her bright eyes were dark, her long hair was short and dull, and her body was a bloody monkey body.

For a while, she avoided interacting with anyone. Comparison’s a b*tch, and she could almost feel her family’s eyes on her, judging her, pitying her. Those thoughts usually spiralled into binging and ended with her in the bathroom for an hour.

Eventually, her siblings refused to let her be alone. Klemintine insisted on makeovers, Bree wanted someone to talk about books with, Desiree wanted a workout buddy, Aaron wanted a companion, Vance wanted someone to go on coffee dates with, and Five wanted her twin. Lucy suspected that they figured it out, but that was beside the point. It’s not like they could help.

Bree caught her one time, then they decided to stop her. The occasional company became constant, and if she was being honest, she didn’t mind. Whenever those thoughts came back, she had people to vent to.

But still, if Pogo did find a way to reverse the serum, she would take it in a heartbeat.


End file.
